Argument or discussion: what’s in a name?

I hate arguments. To be clear, I love a good difference of opinion (as my Nana called it) because I love the exchange of views. But an argument? People shouting at each other and not hearing what the other person is saying? Not fun.

The problem with arguing is that everyone involved tries to prove they are right. When I’m only interested in being right and not in listening to others, I don’t get to learn anything, and it’s considerably less likely that anyone is interested in listening to me.

Influence

One of the advantages of listening to other people is that knowing where they’re coming from gives you more influence over where they’re going. Or at least it can if you handle it right.

The picture above shows two people with loudspeakers instead of faces arguing across a table. A vital feature of this image that you might notice is that neither of them has ears! No eyes, either. In short, they are so busy broadcasting their point of view that they cannot recognise the other person’s experience.

If you are trying to introduce someone to an alternative viewpoint, you can see how arguing is completely useless!

How to have a genuine discussion

One idea I picked up from Abraham Piper was that the key to having a discussion that has the potential to change someone's opinion is being able to state the other person’s viewpoint in a way they will agree with. So the ability to listen to them, hear what they are saying and ask any questions you need to clarify their perspective is vital. To an extent, anyone who really wants the ability to change the minds of others must be open to the possibility of changing themselves.

So if we want to change someone's mind, we need to come to the table with eyes and ears open and willing not only to speak but to listen and observe as well. When we can truly describe the problem from the other person’s perspective, we will have a good starting point to state our case and discuss the implications of our different viewpoints.